Just for fun . . .
Read to the rhythm of Stan by Eminem (M. Mathers, D. Armstrong, P.Herman) -
Chorus x2
The peat's been spread on gardens and it
Adds to greenhouse gases
The rainfall patterns are now changing
We can see it happen
But there's still those who deny the changes
So, I spend time with some plants and
They remind me, that it's not so bad
It's not so bad
Verse
Dear Boris, I tweeted you but got no reply,
I just want to know how you feel about climate change and why
We care more 'bout money, and we can't seem to realise
This is probably the last generation - there ain't no more time -
Because nature's worth saving; it enriches all of our lives.
But, anyways, fuck it, what's been up, man? How's all your kids?
The ones we know about! Nah, I'm just taking the piss!
Do you, BoJo! You don't care what anyone thinks!
At least, that's how it seems.
During COP26, you gave a real nice speech,
'Bout a change of mindset, but HS2 is killing ancient trees,
I know you probably hear this everyday, but you're not making sense,
But maybe that is the plan, you're just messing with our heads,
Like a toxic partner, you don't believe in what you've said.
Like the women you've laid, you're just out for what you can get.
Anyways, I hope you get this, man, hitting "send",
Just to chat, truly yours, I'm not your friend,
from Phil's pen.
Chorus
The peat's been spread on gardens and it
Adds to greenhouse gases
The rainfall patterns are now changing
We can see it happen
But there's still those who deny the changes
So, I spend time with some plants and
They remind me, that it's not so bad
It's not so bad
Verse
Dear Boris, you still ain't making sense, I hope you can see that,
I think it's kinda fucked up, and we're getting sorta mad,
If you want to exploit our ills, make money for your friends,
At least be honest, better yet, break the mould, deliver what you 'ave promised.
Generations will remember, historians note
How political jargon became hot air;
"Blah, blah, blah." Action comes too slow.
That's pretty shitty, man, you're, like, our fucking leader,
The one that we look to, and you're pulling our ancient trees up.
You say, people be used for animals to feed on.
Do you remember that from last year? When asked about biodiversity?
And the crises that it's facing?
At a panel conversation with kids!
But, that kinda stuff happens when you go off script,
And you mumble and fumble your way without thought.
So when I have a shitty day, and when life is coming up short,
I keep away from news of you, 'cause that shit hurts when I'm depressed,
I take myself off for long countryside walks instead,
Sometimes I just sit and let the birdsong inside my head,
It's such a perfect peace, just to be, listening to the wind washed leaves,
See, nothing you say is real, and there is no way I can respect you,
But you are what we have, your party, though I would rather forget you.
But there is still time to make a diff'rence, there's still time,
To address how vital ancient woodland is to sequestering carbon, how we will,
Strive to improve the health of what we have,
Sincerely yours, Phil,
P.S. Your message is falling flat!
Chorus
The peat's been spread on gardens and it
Adds to greenhouse gases
The rainfall patterns are now changing
We can see it happen
But there's still those who deny the changes
So, I spend time with some plants and
They remind me, that it's not so bad
It's not so bad
Verse
Dear Mister "I'm Too Good For The Unwashed Masses",
Learned at Eton how to look down on the lower classes,
It's been three years, still you're a joke, we don't deserve it!
I know you got my last two tweets, I tagged you in and I hashtagged 'em perfect!
So, this is an open letter for you, I hope you read it.
I'm in the garden right now, I'm getting ready for the spring.
Hey Bo, I drank a cup of coffee,
You dare me to hike?
You know the song by Eminem, the one that is called "Stan"?
About that fanatical guy who is obsessed with Shady
But Eminem answers too slowly, and the guy kills himself?
That's nothing like how this is, except for how I have framed this,
But that's just for fun, you're not the sort that I could have faith in,
Let alone become obsessed with, or kill myself over.
Nah, then I'd miss out on Oxeye daisies and Red clover,
For you, BoJo? No, I'll take bees and heather; think about it,
Don't ruin it now, I hope when you sleep you dream about it,
And when you dream I hope you see trees and flowers around you,
I hope your conscience eats at you and you see we cannot live without it,
Oh, BoJo! It can be rich! This whole world!
BoJo, listen to the birds in the treetops,
The Robin, a national favourite, will sing up there all through the year,
If we give them the space; we've got more than we really need here!
Well, gotta go, gotta tend to the garden,
Oh shit, sorry for the swearing, I do beg your pardon . . .
Chorus
The peat's been spread on gardens and it
Adds to greenhouse gases
The rainfall patterns are now changing
We can see it happen
But there's still those who deny the changes
So, I spend time with some plants and
They remind me, that it's not so bad
It's not so bad
Well, thanks for reading. That was just a bit of fun. Before you go, can I ask that you consider supporting this blog with a coffee from ko-fi.com - the caffeine keeps me trying out weird things, like setting nature blog posts to rap songs from the early 2000's!
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